And yeah call me insecure, low self esteem...the need to validate myself or my intentions known...call it a medical condition...psychological condition...


You can just stick to, "unintelligent". That will do.

Continuation

Also to add on, I have removed quite a number of groups from my life.


Actually just 2.

The first being the religious side of friends, and the music side.

I do not need you, neither do you need me. We lead our happy lives ever after.

Good morning.

Its been a little while

I checked on my view counter and it shows 27. Who the hell reads my blog? I've actually removed my blog URL from all of my social media accounts so whoever is reading this, you're either my ex girlfriend, a random internet surfer or a stalker who has nothing better to do.

I will be clear on this, this is my space to rant so don't expect anything intelligent.

There was a reason why I left, I was not exactly a good person. I was not smart, I lack leadership skills, the initiative, the "out of the box" thinking and nobody likes my personality.
The people that do make friends with me back there, they were probably just being nice but on the standard, I got no respect from anyone, not even the young ones, because I was not entirely respectable in the first place.

There were many stories about me, as well as testimonials of how incapable I am. With the recent debacle that took place within the past 2 years, with all my private matters and personal life being shared, (not that it really matters now, its not really a big deal to them because, who actually gives a shit about me?) I was not entirely happy.

But apart from that, I have long wanted to move away from that phase of life. Yes, it was a good 7 years of friendship with me trying my best to fit in to the "clique". Thinking back, I have only encountered gossip and toxicity. So much for the dhamma sessions.

So yeah if you are reading this, and I know you are. Call me paranoid or "thinking too much" but the fact that this is being read by you guys, I won't really call myself either of the two, but simply just want to say...



Have a good life ahead. We will never meet again.

good vibes and bad vibes

And here I am, back again. This portal serves as a space for my ramblings.

Reading back on all the posts, I realised how much negativity was going through my life and I attribute that to the people I was socialising with.

Yes. I push all the blame to them. Call me selfish and immature but I think my choices are/were justified. No longer am I feeling the constant down in morale, emotions and the needless rants of an emotional teen, because I am no longer one.

That being said, it is 3.52am and I should be in bed.

It was as though nothing ever mattered, that all that was done before was for naught.

Well, that's what happens when you have pushed someone to the brink of distaste.

Do I regret it? Yes I do. Would I have given anything to salvage even that last bit of friendship? I will.

It isn't an easy path, and perhaps this is for the best. You did what I could not bear to do.

More than often, we put our own interests above others, that's because we care for ourselves. It is not selfish.

It is only selfish when you drag others into it without a speck of consideration.

No, this isn't right by me. It's time.

I screwed up again. I'm not ready.

Deep inside, I know it myself. As I step out of this door, I'm never turning back. It was room of many memories, of what it was to live the dream and to care less.

Times have changed, time waits for no man. Now, it is a flight of stairs, to the top. With each step, I am more aware and I will never allow myself to trip again.

The End.

I often mused to myself how people would view me in their eyes.

Am I an arrogant person? Or was I one of those that would succumb to despair and let the emotions take control of all my rational choices?

As I reflect, I thought of the latter. There was a reason why they gave me the nickname of despair, I allowed my negative emotions to swallow my logical side of the brain, did many things that would utterly spell of selfishness and self centerdness. 

What was it that I truly want to be? Mistakes happen, everyone does. I looked into it, I heard the explanations and I forgave, but I never forget.

Unless that individual has ill intentions, I never once belittled the worthiness of the company.

We all have much to learn. I need to look into myself more. Will it be too late by the time I start laughing at who I was before?

Time will tell.